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| 3 Minute Management Course [message #206033] |
Thu, 29 June 2006 13:11  |
dead6re
Messages: 602
Registered: September 2003
Karma:
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Colonel |
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Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before
she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was
Bob the next door neighbour," she replies "Great!" the husband
says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest
apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a
Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!"
says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He
lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course
Let all your wishes be granted except one, so you will still have something to strieve for.
[Updated on: Thu, 29 June 2006 13:12] Report message to a moderator |
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