| History of French Warfare in a nutshell. [message #9808] |
Wed, 26 March 2003 13:55  |
KIRBY098
Messages: 1546
Registered: February 2003
Karma: 0
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General (1 Star) |
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> Subject: History of France
>
>
> > > You can hardly blame the French. France is example number one when
> > > comes to natural selection of a nation's character.
> > >
> > > Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
> > > years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
> > > Italian.
> > >
> > > Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic
> > > who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's
> > > armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
> > >
> > > Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
> > > lose two wars when fighting Italians.
> > >
> > > Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
> > >
> > > Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
> > > manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that
> > > eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
> > > War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
> > > chapeaux.
> > >
> > > The Dutch War - Tied
> > >
> > > War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
> > > Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
> > > Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French
> > > military power.
> > >
> > > War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
> > > their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
> > >
> > > American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
> > > future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
> > > colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle
> > > Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France
> > > only wins when America does most of the fighting."
> > >
> > > French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
> > > also French.
> > >
> > > The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
> > > Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match
> > > for a British footwear designer.
> > >
> > > The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk
> > > Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
> > >
> > > World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
> > > United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to
> > > not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."
> > > Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any
> > > improvement in the French bloodline.
> > >
> > > World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
> > > and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
> > >
> > > War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
> > > with the Dien Bien Flu
> > >
> > > Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
> > > army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
> > > First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This
> > > rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians,
> > > Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
> > >
> > > War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
> > > surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to
> > > surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a
> > > McDonald's.
> > >
> > > Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often
> > > than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been
> > > beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. There's no
> > > national anthem in the world as ludicrous as France's....
Deleted
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| Re: History of French Warfare in a nutshell. [message #9830] |
Wed, 26 March 2003 15:25  |
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| KIRBY098 |
> > > American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
> > > future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
> > > colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle
> > > Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France
> > > only wins when America does most of the fighting."
> > >
> > > French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
> > > also French.
> > >
> > > World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
> > > United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to
> > > not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."
> > > Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any
> > > improvement in the French bloodline.
> > >
> > > Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western
> > > army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
> > > First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This
> > > rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians,
> > > Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
> > >
> > > War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
> > > surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to
> > > surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a
> > > McDonald's.
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Lol... These were the best... 
Ok, who do you think would win in a war? Canada or France? 
.:Red Alert: A Path Beyond Modeler:.
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| History of French Warfare in a nutshell. [message #13661] |
Sun, 13 April 2003 03:53 |
AstralFX
Messages: 13
Registered: March 2003
Karma: 0
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Recruit |
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Well i am not here to hate US.
I am not Antiwar and not Prowar... i think i am just one of these "middlewar" peoples who is filled up with this prowar and antiwar crap : 
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| History of French Warfare in a nutshell. [message #18661] |
Sun, 04 May 2003 20:42 |
Afromn96
Messages: 123
Registered: April 2003
Location: USA, CA
Karma: 0
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Recruit |
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> > "My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C.
> > right now is the one that says
> > 'First Iraq, then France'."
> > -Tom Brokaw
> >
> > "The French announced today that they would not
> > help us remove Saddam from Iraq.
> > Well Duh!
> > They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France."
> > -Jay Leno
> >
> > "France said this week they need more evidence
> > to convince them Saddam is a threat.
> > Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence
> > it came rollin thru Paris with a German Flag on it."
> > -Dave Letterman
> >
> > Q. Why are all the highways in France lined with trees?
> > A. So the Germans can march in the shade!
> >
> > "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting
> > without an accordion.
> > All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
> > -unknown
> >
> > "France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals.
> > France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen,
> > and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France."
> > -Mark Twain
> >
> > "Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a
> > Frenchman who lives in Canada."
> > -Ted Nugent
> >
> > "The only way the French are going in with us
> > is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."
> > -unknown
> >
> > "War without France would be like .....
> > World War II."
> > -unknown
> >
> > Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen
> > with their hands up?
> > A. The Army.
> >
> > Q. How do you stop a French Tank?
> > A. Shoot the guy pushing.
> >
> > Q. How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris.
> > A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
> >
> > The best French bashing line heard over the last week is:
> > "We can count on the French to be there when they need us."
> >
> > HOW SOON THEY FORGET...
> >
> >
>
>
I love this :inlove:
AFRO_MAN96 [wol names:Afromn96, sicilian69]
"you mess with the fro you got to go"
-Eddie Griffin
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