| Qantas Airlines: Repair Divison [message #353473] |
Mon, 06 October 2008 12:46  |
cr0sis
Messages: 34
Registered: March 2007
Karma:
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In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to
fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crew lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
Legend:
Pilots marked with a P.
Solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. Marked with an S
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had a fatal accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny... (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
hurrr
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